Fie Bjørnholt-Schou
There once was a young girl who weighed only 90 pounds.
She had cut up both her arms and peeled all the skin off her fingers and ears. She could not sleep, no matter how many sleeping pills she took, and saw only the ugliest monster in the mirror.
She felt unworthy of life and was convinced she did not deserve to be loved. She was absolutely convinced that she did not deserve anything good to happen to her, ever. She also believed that all her dreams were impossible. Not a single dream would ever come true, no matter what she did.
That young girl was me.
Self-harm
My name is Fie Bjørnholt-Schou. For 15 years I struggled with self-harming behaviours and self-harming thought patterns before I learned to control and accept them.
Today I often forget that young girl existed. In many ways I do not want to be connected with her anymore, because I am no longer her and do not want be her ever again.
But there are also times, like when I tell my own story, that I remember her. For without her I would not be where I am today. I remember how immensely strong she was, and still is, and how much she fought for the life I live today. It was she who decided that even though she saw a monster, she would allow people into her life. This is why today I have such amazing friends, husband, children and family.
ForkertCrazyogGlad
It was she who, at a time when not many people knew what self-harm was, created a blog called ForkertCrazyogGlad (“WrongCrazyandHappy”), in which she wrote about what it was like to be ill, without anyone being able to see it. She did it, even though she was dyslexic and had always been told she would never amount to anything. And she decided that if she wanted to write, she had to learn to do it right. She went on courses and properly learned the craft of writing.
My way out of self-harm
It was also she who decided to write a book for adolescents about cutting, although many around her said that there were so many who dreamed of writing a book but never did. But she did it.
It was also she who decided to put the razor blades in a drawer the day she saw two pink lines on her pregnancy test. It was she who joined the parent council of the nursery school because she didn’t want to go on hiding. All this led to her becoming chairman of a school board, member of a political party, part of an active political forum for women and run for the local city council.
Self-harm counselling
She also decided that if she wanted to help others, she would have to learn a lot about herself, about self-harm, forms of therapy, psychology and build her own knowledge and education. She is the reason I can call myself a self-harm counsellor today.
Fie Bjørnholt-Schou – self-harm counsellor
Today, I use my professional knowledge along with my personal experiences to advise young people and adults with self-harming behaviours. I work primarily with direct self-harm, indirect self-harm (eating disorders) and digital self-harm.
I also specialise in advising parents, spouses, boyfriends, friends, extended family and professionals.
